Sick.

I am sick of thinking that I am the one who is doing something wrong. I am not doing anything. It is all her. She can't  handle the little things, how is she going to handle marriage? Honestly. I cannot wait until she moves out and her negativity is away from me. I am a happy person and I am happy with the person I am. She has asked me to change the little things, and I did. I asked her to change and she didn't. So I'm not going to pretend to be friends with her anymore. I can't be fake anymore.

Every little thing I say to her has a bitchy, prissy response on her end. The only reason why I don't like her anymore is because she thinks that I'm such a  bad person. Well, no, SHE is the bad person. She can post things on Tumblr about how I disturb her sleep and she can complain to her family members and/or boyfriend (fiance, whatever) about how my hair gets all over the floor and it reminds her of her dad. Right? Well at least she had a dad while growing up. I did not. I would love to have had my dad's long hair (if he did have long hair) all over the place. It's not a good memory or a bad memory, but at least it is a MEMORY. She thinks her life is so freaking horrible and that her fiance and dog are the only good things in her life, but it seems like she has more than she's saying. I'm not saying that my life was so horrible, but it was pretty dang hard and I'm the positive person I am today because of those hardships. Nothing is going to bring me down, especially not some stuck up, immature girl. There. I lowered myself down to her level and posted something on the internet instead of talking things out like a normal human being. Happy?

Coffee

I was so used to the idea that coffee or caffeine never worked on me. I'm starting to rethink this.

I had a white mocha coffee type thing this morning and now my brain is all over the place and I'm actually not dozing off in American History right now. If anything my mind is straying away from American History which is also bad, but nevertheless. It works.

I feel like I am on some drug, perhaps speed, if this is what speed feels like because I'm doing everything really fast. Even as I type this blog, I'm typing it up in a fast manner. I have the idea that I'm not even going to check for grammatical errors because I want to look back at this blog to see how I was when caffeine affected me.

So here I am...writing really fast, bored out of my mind in this American History class because the history of America is the least interesting to me. My professor is really exciting at times and I can tell he appreciates what he does, and I envy his enthusiasm for this certain type of history.

I wish I was like him. Haha.

Thanksgiving Break.

I am coming to the conclusion that though Thanksgiving Break means that we can get away for classes for a few days to visit our families, it is simply just that. I have tons of homework to do over this "break" which is a real drag. Christmas VACATION is where it is at. Students will have no homework to worry about because they are not in any classes at that time. Looking forward to it, I just don't know what I will do with myself. Maybe I will read, play video games, do some music covers, hang with my family (especially my little nephew, Anthony)! I miss him so much!

But back to Thanksgiving break. My break won't officially start until 9 pm because that's when I get off of work tonight. Then after that I will drive to Wagner where my boyfriend lives and stay at his house for the majority of the break. We will celebrate turkey in the evening on Thursday and probably will not go to sleep because we are to leave for Sioux Falls at probably 2 in the morning for Black Friday. Then after Black Friday is all done and over with, probably by noon, we will head to Norfolk to meet up with my dad, step-mom, and little sister to celebrate yet another turkey evening. But this is all if plans do not fail. Hopefully not.

I will update in a later blog.

Hobbies.

As of right now (meaning within the last months), I've been trying to do the same hobbies I once did while still being in college. It is quite hard. I have hardly made any music covers for YouTube, I have not played any video games despite buying one, I have not finished reading a book for fun though I have been reading The Girl Who Played with Fire and The Hobbit for some time now, and I have hardly watched any movies/shows that I enjoy normally watching on Netflix. College in that sense, is dragging me down.

All I do is study/read/write for college or go to work and people have warned me that this was going to happen. I did not listen.

I am getting to the point where all I want to do is sleep and slack. But I cannot and will not.

Despite college being a drag on the definition of fun that I once knew, I have no intentions of dropping out and I will be the first to graduate of the Stillion family (as far as I know) whether I can stand it or not.

Games

As of right now, when I should be doing this RBAA or reading assignments for other classes that I am now behind on, I am playing a random, live game on my PS3. It is super exciting because the internet here is really fast and this game was so slow on my internet at home. I should totally be doing homework, but I think I deserve a break. All I do is homework. I think this day is telling me to relax and take it easy. That is why I am sick too, I'm sure of it.

It is a Monday in October, a few days before Halloween, my favorite holiday...and I feel like such a slacker. But I don't care. I know that I will struggle when the time comes for these due dates, but right now I just don't care. I'll work on everything on Thursday and Friday. But maybe I should work on some English since that is due Wednesday, on Halloween day.

I am so lost with this RBAA. Everything that I wanted to say and explain to whoever read it, can't really be said in the way that I want to say it, and I am struggling HARD. I need to find some sources and do some research, but I just can't find the motivation. I have work tomorrow. Sometimes I wish I just never had a job.  Sometimes I wish that I would have taken a year off before I went to college, but we all know how that story ends for other people....

Is it just...?

Is it just me or:

Does sleeping for too long in the night make it harder to stay awake during the day? The less sleep the easier it is to stay awake...

Are the winter winds worse than the hot weather?

When I know I left the house door unlocked, am I the only person who screams throughout their house just to make the possible freaks seem more scared than they had planned on making me?

Am I the only person who doesn't use text lingo in text messages?

Am I the only person who still buys CDs?

Am I the only person who doesn't have their ears pierced?

Am I the only girl who doesn't know close to anything about fashion, hair, or makeup?

Does anyone else not drink around here?

Homework.

This is a rant about reading.

Don't get me wrong, I love reading....just not readings for class that we will end up talking about in lecture anyway. But I feel like I need to read the assignments or I will miss out on SOMETHING. I just hate how some professors assign short chapters along a 2 week period, but when it comes to the long chapter they only give us 2 class periods before we have to have that chapter done. This is how I'm feeling for Anthropology and Film Appreciation. It's funny, actually. At the beginning of the semester I thought American History was going to be the class that I was going to have a hard time keeping up with reading the chapters, but noooooo. The history book is written in away where it's easy for me to read it, plus it interests me. It's probably because the book is novelistic-looking and the other two books are in text book form and are just straight up hard to read. So frustrating!

I wish I could just read for fun again. I know I would have time if I stayed up an extra hour before I go to sleep, but by then I have given up and just want to sleep my life away. Then I  have to wake up and start all over again. I haven't had any time for books, movies, or video games. The only thing that I really have time for (and even then, that's pushing it) is catching up on some of my favorite television shows using Hulu and Netflix.

I just don't want college and work to be my life throughout this "free and independent" part of life. That's all.