Monday, December 10, 2012

The Empty Room.


The Empty Room

She was a new girl in the big city of New York. She had all the money that she needed to survive here for five years. Her name was Kayala Smith. Tall and unusually thin with long brown hair, she had the eyes of a blind person, cold and grey, with a twisting look like death. Walking around her new city, she was looking for the newly- opened Korean restaurant about eight blocks from her apartment. Walking fast, not knowing anyone, she was almost there. Having been unpacking all of her furniture, she had forgotten about eating, and she was hungrier than ever. Two more blocks to go, and she couldn’t wait to get there. She could smell the food from Betty’s Bakery and Godfather’s pizza parlor. Finally, she was there. She walked in with a grin on her face, smelling the tangy Korean desserts. Sitting at her table, she could not decide what to order from the menu. She glanced over at the door, and she saw a handsome young man about 6’2” with short, straight, brown hair. She could tell he had a body to look at under his long, black, leather coat. She was still looking at him when he looked at her. He started to walk over to her table. She tried to act calm and not interested, even though in her mind she couldn’t hide how much she liked him already.
 “Hello, I can tell you’re new in the city. Am I right?” She looked up at him.
            “Yes, I just moved here a couple of days ago.” He glanced down at her menu, then back up at her again.
 “Do you mind if I take a seat with you? I could help you with the choices.” She looked at her menu a few times. She really didn’t know him, but she couldn’t resist the look in his eyes.
 “Ummm, sure why not?” He sat down right across from her, looking as hungry as she did. Finally, he said, “Out of all the restaurants in the big city, you decide to come to this Korean one? I mean, it’s good and all, but is Korean food your favorite?”
“Actually, yeah, I’ve loved it ever since I was a kid.”
“Well, I guess it is pretty good here, for a new place.”
“Yeah, so how did you know that I was new in the city? Do you have some kind of psychic vibes that tell who new girls are so you can take advantage of them?”
With a fake smile, after a few moments, he decided to say, “How did you know?”  They both smiled. Shortly, Dawson, that was his name, was getting ready to leave with her.
“Do you mind if I walk you home?”
“I don’t really know about that. I mean, you seem like a nice guy and all, but I’m just not really trusting anyone right at the moment. I need to get used to the big city and know a little more about the people who live here.”
Frowning weakly, he said,”Ok,” and turned around, ready to walk out the door.
“Wait!” she said hesitantly. “You can walk me home, but I trust you that you won’t take me somewhere and kill me. Right?” she giggled.
“Of course! What kind of freak would do that to a beautiful young woman like you? I mean look at you!” She smiled really small, but she knew that she was smiling really cheesy on the inside, and turned away.
“So which way is it? You lead the way.”
“It’s just right up this hill eight blocks and to the right.”
“Oh really? I live six blocks from here to the right.”
“Hmm, well, I guess we will be seeing more of each other?”
“Hopefully!” he said.
They finally got to the front door of her apartment, and they both stopped on the steps.
“So which floor are you on? Maybe one of these days I need to borrow some sugar?” he said laughing and looking at her strangely.
“It’s just up on the third floor. Apartment 32.”
“Well, I can’t wait until my sugar runs out!”
They both smiled and he leaned in for a kiss, but she turned away. He knew what she was thinking.
“It’s okay. How about a hug?”
“Sure.” They both hugged and said good-bye.


The next morning her phone kept ringing and ringing, but no one answered. The apartment was empty. Only the phone lay on the ground. Everything was gone. No one knows what happened to Kayala Smith. Only the sound of ringing, ringing, ringing…


The End

By: Shandra Stillion

Teenage-Love Bodies.


Lying on the floor, the colors of red and white. The body of teenage-love has far forsaken on who shall love. The silence that shook the body was stern. It could never be taken back. The silver sculpture that was left in his hand had now gone cold. Who would ever know why? The secrecy will still stay secret inside the beatless heart of that teenage-love body. The colors of white and red stay upon. White as in pail skin that shows the true lifeless color. Red as in the outpouring of the bloody death that struck upon him. Feeling the sting for one whole minute, and then nothing. Nothing was to move from the poor teenage-love body again. The pain is over in his heart. He let go of the one he loved. The choice that was a mistake. The only answer that seemed to resume in his head. Death. "Life is full of pain, and when death strikes you the pain is over." he thought. That was all that spun around in his already confused mind. Footsteps echo on the ground, beating against the thick yet fresh color of red that lay on the hard-wood floor. Rings struggle to bounce upon the red as the footsteps get closer. Closer and closer the footsteps get...now through the door of the living room. Three rooms away from the dramatic scene. A dress of blue and purple flutters across the rooms of the apartment. But yet, not in that one room. A scent has not yet departed from the scene. It had not happened more than ten minutes before she walked through that front door. Tears fell from her face when he broke her heart once again. Anger was all that was entering her body. Confusion in her mind. In the hallway she walked through, she noticed the cold drift coming from the closed door of the bathroom. More confusion entering her mind. Mixed with curiosity. The copper door handle, she expected to be locked, was indeed unlocked, and as she turned the warmless object it opened the door left to find tragedy right before her eyes. Eyes that let out more tears as they glanced upon the one she still loved. Inside the little room they shared many memories of; Sex. Laughter. Sadness. Pain. And now one more is added onto that list. Death. Not with one victim, but two. Two teenage-love bodies lie on the floor of that cold bathroom. It's like the gun was meant to be loaded with two bullets just as that bathroom was meant for two lifeless bodies. And that floor was meant to be flowing a thick, red bodily outpour that was meant to be mixed together to test the love of the ones who really do love. Age 18 was the innocent age meant to be the ending of two teenage-love bodies.

Shattered.


Break the glass
Then turn away
Don't look back around
Kiss the lips of innocence
Never show your frown

The dead body lies
On the bedroom floor
Where she once had smiled
Now she's cold and sad
But she's been that way awhile

She loved you
You loved her
Breaking her heart
Was the last thing you did
Now she’s torn apart

What lies beneath her
The only thing that’s left
The crimson pond of lifelessness
You were out of control
When you cut her throat with the shattered glass

Exams.

I have completed my English portfolio (which is technically the exam or whatever) and I just completed my Math-095 class by getting a 77% on my final exam. I was hoping for something a bit higher, and you can always take it again, but I'm not sure I want to put myself through that stress again. Ugh.

I have three more exams: Cultural Anthropology, American History, and Film Appreciation. I haven't read much (or any) of the chapters for these exams, so now that I am done with my math exam, I am hoping I can concentrate on the other three exams. I'm really worried about Anthropology because my last exam was not so good. Same for American History, but a lot of the class did horrible on the last exam.

Film, I'm not too worried about because some friends and I did an extra credit project in which we received the total amount of extra credit that was available = 30 points. So if I do bad, that will be what I'll fall back on!

Well here's to studying as it will consume me for the rest of the week!

Lonely Walks


            Silent. Dark. Lonely. The feeling of someone being all alone, even though there were several people behind him. Impossible, but possible things people would do, just to get into the “cool” group. Peter was one of those desperate people who would do anything to be accepted into the “cool” group even if it killed him…
He was ready for the jocks to tremble from the sight of him in the halls at school. He was sick of being pushed on the ground, and laughed at. It was time to do something about it. This was the only way he thought could help him. The “cool” group was his only option. His only answer.
        A night out on the lake at 11 PM on November 14, 2006. His task was simple, to swim across the lake in less than 10 minutes. It wasn’t a wide lake, which would be good for him, but little did he know how deep it was, and how cold it got at night.
        The boys were pushing him. Pressuring him to get in the lake already. He stripped down so that all he was wearing were his boxers. The water was freezing cold, but he knew what he had to do. He slowly put his legs in the water, and he was doing good on getting in, until one of the bigger, meaner guys yelled, “Time starts now!” and pushed him, face first, into the water.
        Feeling like he was going to cry, he held it in, and started to swim as fast as he could go. His skin was tight, and he couldn’t feel his arms and legs within 2 minutes of him swimming. “I should’ve just dove in right away, then my arms and legs wouldn’t have froze this fast.” He thought to himself. He looked around the lake to see where he was. He was in the middle of the lake, and he was almost to the other side. “It’s too easy.” He thought. “There must be something else going on.” Without thinking of where he was, or what he was doing, his body stopped, and he didn’t even know it. His whole body was frozen and he was sinking under the water. The other boys noticed this, and started to freak out. Some of them ran off into different directions, but some knew they had to help him. Sean, one of the stronger boys and the leader of the group, suggested that him and his buddy Ralph, another strong boy, jump in and get him. But out of nowhere Ralph ran off, too fast for him to get an answer. Sean was a panicky mess and he didn’t know what to do. It was only him now, and two other boys. Jimmy and Dan.
        With only the three of them left, panicking, Jimmy whipped out his cell phone, ready to call 911. Sean grabbed the phone and said, “We don’t need the 5.O. involved in this situation, all we need to do is go get…” but he couldn’t even finish his sentence when he looked over to the lake. Peter was nowhere to be seen. Sean screamed, “Oh, fuck!” and jumped into the lake. He swam as fast as he could to the middle of the lake, where he last saw Peter, and went under. As cold as it was, he didn’t care all he wanted to do was get Peter above water. Dead or alive.
        He went deeper and deeper under water, but couldn’t get a hold of anything under there. It’s like Peter wasn’t under water. Nothing was under there. Until finally he grabbed onto Peter’s shirt, and forced himself up above the water with Peter in his arms. He barely had any strength left. Jimmy and Dan were on the grass looking at Sean struggle to get Peter out of the water. Finally, Jimmy said, “I can’t stand here without doing anything!” as he said that he jumped into the water, and raced to Sean and Peter before both of them went under water again. Dan followed, for he was thinking the exact thing Jimmy was. He couldn’t just stand around and watch them die, if it came to that. As Jimmy reached Sean and Peter, he held onto Peter because he felt that he was the weaker one, and they both swam towards the direction Dan was swimming. Dan held onto Sean, and they all worked together to safely get out of the freezing water.
        They reached the dry land and quickly wrapped their coats around themselves. They all tried to catch their breath…but Jimmy looked over to Peter and didn’t like what he saw. “He’s not breathing!” he yelled with the remaining breath he had. Sean looked over to Peter, and again started to panic. “Oh, my fucking God!” He jumped over Dan, who was lying on the ground with his teeth jittering and hands shivering, and went to Peter’s still body. He felt Peter’s pulse. Nothing. He tried to remember CPR from health class. He didn’t think he was doing it right, but he didn’t care. All he wanted to do was see Peter breath. Still nothing. He started to hit Peter in the chest and scream, “No! Fuck! No! After all I went through to get you out of the water! Breathe!” Jimmy grasped Sean’s arms to stop him from punching Peter’s chest, and said, “He’s gone, man.”
        Sean couldn’t believe it. He repeatedly punched Peter in the chest, even if he was dead, Sean didn’t want to believe it. He never wanted to hurt him. All he wanted to do was help him. He never picked on him in school because it reminded him of what he used to be like when he wasn’t “cool”. “Jimmy call 911. We need to get an ambulance over here ASAP!” Jimmy whipped out his cell phone and dialed the numbers he needed to dial. When someone picked up on the other line, he didn’t really know what to say. Everything was going so fast, and he nor Sean or Dan wanted to go to jail. “Ummm…we need an ambulance over at the city lake right away! Something happened, and I think one of the guys is dead!”
        Jimmy flipped his phone, and put it back in his pocket. Dan looked at him. “What the fuck are we going to do? Are we just going to stay here? What are we going to say to the police?” Dan sat down, put his hands over his eyes, and started to cry. “Dude, we can get through this. All we have to do is tell them the truth. No lies.” Sean said. “My parents are going to kill me once they here about this!” Jimmy said.
        Dan settled down and stopped crying. All of the sudden he got up, acting normal at first, but then ran off. He didn’t know what to do, and he was already on probation. “What the hell, Dan! Get your ass back ova here!” But he didn’t look back; he just kept on running and running…
        Sean and Jimmy didn’t know what to do. Everything started to overlap again. They didn’t know whether Dan was important to the crime or not. “Great, everything is going how we planned it would!” Jimmy said sarcastically. “Would you shut the fuck up!? We have a dead kid here, and you’re making jokes. What if we go to jail you little bitch?!”  Sean just couldn’t take all this shit happening at once. Jimmy shut up and started to walk away. “Dude, I’m sorry…it’s just all this shit is happening so fast. I can’t even get a breath out. Please don’t leave me here, man. I need you to help me.” Jimmy stopped, turned around, and looked at Sean as if those words were all he needed to hear from someone…”Okay man, I’ll stay…I’m here for you dude. You’re not the only one who was involved in this.”
        About 5 minutes after Jimmy turned around, and they both sat on the ground, the ambulance rushed around the corner, and parked to where Peter’s dead body was lying. One of the ambulance guys were really rushed about what he was doing. He got out of the truck, felt Peter’s neck to see if there was a pulse, and called to some more guys, “Bring a gurney out right away! This kid didn’t make it.” The guy looked over at Sean and Jimmy and called out again to another guy, “Are the cops on their way or what?” then he looked down at the body, and back up to hear if he was going to get an answer. “Yeah, they said they’re on their way right now, Skip.” One guy called. Skip got up from the ground, and turned to Sean, “So, what exactly went on here boys? I have a feeling that this wasn’t an accident…”
        Both of the boys looked up at the man. Both of them were speechless, they didn’t want to say anything wrong, and be doomed forever of one little thing they said. “What, you guys are too cool to talk?” Skip said. Still they did not say anything. Soon after Skip decided to give up trying to make them talk, he walked away. In what seemed like forever, was only 2 minutes. “I just want to go home, Sean.” Said Jimmy. “Yeah, dude I know how you feel. I can’t believe this shit is happening. And just think it’s only Friday, all these people are going to be asking us these stupid fucking questions all fucking weekend.” Sean screamed so everyone could here him.
        The cops rolled down the street in a fashionable style, like they knew what they were doing, and they’ve been through this type of stuff before. But little did they know this was something different…
        Officer Macbeth and his co-workers stepped out of their cars, shut the doors, and watched as the ambulance closed the doors on the victim. Yet, they didn’t even know that there was a victim. They didn’t even know that this was a crime so serious. They just thought “Oh, well, it’s just some punks causing trouble and pranking the police department again, like every Friday night.” Wrong. They were so wrong. They would of probably wished they didn’t have to work tonight because tonight is going to be hectic and new for them…As Macbeth and all of the other officers walked towards the boys, the boys started to wish they would of left Peter dead, and ran off like all the other guys did. But they were stuck now… “What seems to be the problem gentlemen?” Officer Macbeth questioned to the boys in an ‘I wish I wasn’t here right now’ kind of tone. “Well, there was an accident with one of my uhh, buddies.” answered Sean nervously. “What kind of accident?” asked Macbeth. Sean didn’t want to answer that question… “Well umm he didn’t make it…” Jimmy adequately replied. The other officers overheard Jimmy answer that, and they walked over to Macbeth, and asked him if they could speak with him for a moment. Macbeth walked over to where the officers were standing. “What?” He said impatiently. “Well sir, didn’t you hear him? He said that the kid is dead. We’ve never had that around this small little town since back in the year of ’81.” One of the officers responded to him amazingly. “Yes, I heard him, and this can’t be much different from ‘81’s bereavement. All we have to do is take the kids to the station first thing in the morning. It’s too late now…I have to get up early to mow the lawn.” The other officers didn’t really want to deal with this tonight either so they agreed. It was already 2 in the morning. “Alright sir, let’s take these kids home.” All of the officers walked over to their cars and 3 of them drove off. One more car was left, and that was Macbeth’s, including his partner. “Okay kids, come with me. I’ll take you home for the night, and we’ll deal with this in the morning. You boys try and get some sleep. Okay?” The boys looked at the officer with perplexity, like they weren’t expecting this. They were expecting a night in jail, or something from the time being. But, the boys followed, and they were driven home in the back of a cop car. They were a little freaked out, but they knew that this man didn’t want to deal with this kind of situation tonight. “You boys’ parents don’t mind if you’re out hanging with dead people at 2 in the morning do they? Macbeth cackled.
        He pulled his car up to Jimmy’s house, and stepped on the brakes. “Well, good look with sleeping tonight guys, hopefully you don’t have anything to be guilty about.” Jimmy and Sean stepped out of the car. Sean didn’t want to go home tonight, so he just got out of the car and told the police officer he was spending the night at Jimmy’s. The police car drove off, and Sean and Jimmy walked through the back door of his house, so his parents wouldn’t notice. They went into his room and tried to go to sleep. Jimmy was passed out right away for some reason. But Sean was feeling so guilty he didn’t have time to sleep. He only had time to think about where his life is going. Finally, after 1 more hour of thinking, Sean passed out, and was in a deep sleep.
        The next morning, there was a knock on the door. It was Officer Macbeth and his partner, Leo. Jimmy’s mom walked over to the door and looked through the window. “Uh, oh, what did Jimmy do now?” She thought. She opened the door. “How can I help you officer?” She tried to look neat for the hansom Leo, who was standing behind Officer Macbeth. “Your son, Jimmy Daniels, is he here?” She wasn’t paying much attention to what he just said; she was paying too much attention on smiling at Leo. But when she heard Jimmy’s name her smile came to a grimace. “He’s still sleeping; I guess he had a fun time last night or something. It’s already noon.” Officer Macbeth looked inside the house. “Well we need to take him and his buddy into the station for awhile. It’s nothing special; we just need to ask him a few questions about last night.” The look on Jimmy’s mother’s face went down to a repulsive frown. She yelled for her husband to wake the boys up. About 10 minutes later, the boys walked out of their room and into the living room. They looked sleepier than ever, and once they seen Officer Macbeth, their faces turned into distress. They couldn’t believe their eyes. They thought that everything that happened last night was a dream, or better yet, a nightmare. “Would you boys mind explaining to me what is going on?” The boys looked down to the floor…
        “Well, Mrs. Daniels…” Sean started to speak… “There was an accident last night at the city lake, and our buddy Peter drowned…” The look on her face came from anger---to shock. “I can’t believe this, you won’t make me believe this!” She screamed. Mrs. Daniels started to go insane. “Mother, settle down, I am going to be okay. All I have to go into the station and tell the truth. Maybe nothing will happen to me…” Jimmy’s face went from embarrassment to misery. His mother was still screaming around. Little did anyone know in town that she was a psycho at heart. Everyone knew that she had mind problems, but no one really knew how she reacted to stuff. Usually she just bottled it all up inside.  “Dad! Take care of mom; I’ll be back later, maybe… Jimmy looked up at the police officers, “Let’s just go, and get this over with…” All of the men walked out of the door and into the police car. Sean’s parents didn’t even know where he was and he didn’t think they cared. So he just left it. Leo turned around from the seat and looked at Sean in the back seat…“Don’t your parents know where you are, kid?” Leo questioned to Sean. “No, they don’t really pay much attention to me, but let’s leave the questions for when we get to the station. Okay?” Leo turned around so he was facing the front of the car, and kind of got a distressing look on his face. Sean had an annoyed stare on his face. He has never liked talking about his parents. He hates them. Ever since his big brother, Nick died of cancer, they have always wished that Sean was the one who had died instead of Nick. A tear revolved down Sean’s cheek. Jimmy looked at him when this happened. Jimmy has never seen Sean cry. Sean was the leader of the group, the strongest guy. This was shocking to him when he seen this little trickle of irrigate run down his face. He pretended he didn’t see when Sean wiped his face. He just looked out the window…
        The cop car pulled up to the police station. Everyone stepped out of the car and walked on to the sidewalk. “I’ve never really done this before” Sean said. “So what do we do?” Both of the officers just looked at him, and said “Just follow us…”
        Sean and Jimmy walked into the police station more frightened then ever. It was like a ghost-town in there. There hasn’t been a case like this before since ’81. Sean and Jimmy had broken the silence of mysteries around this little town…
        They were asked to sit down in these little chairs that looked like they were meant to be used for midgets. They sat down, gasped, and then looked at the wall. They didn’t know what to do. So they just waited. Waited for their punishment to begin…they didn’t want to be in trouble. “So, what all happened last night boys?” Officer Macbeth questioned. 

In Memory.


            Recently, someone very inspiring to me died. Heath Ledger was found dead on his apartment floor, next to his bed, on January 22, 2008. He was only 28 years old. This very talented actor starred in movies like The Patriot with Mel Gibson, 10 Thing I Hate About You with Julia Stiles, Ned Kelly with Orlando Bloom, A Knights Tale, Monster’s Ball with Halle Berry and Billy Bob Thorton, The Brothers Grimm with Matt Damon, and his most inspiring movie to me, Brokeback Mountain. Those are just a few of the movies that he was in.
            Brokeback Mountain, people had said, was the most dedicated Heath was about a film (and Heath was very dedicated in all of his films, so dedicated that in one of his roles, where he played a drug addict he actually took drugs to look more into character). His co-star Jake Gyllenhaal, the godfather of Heath’s only child, 2 year old Matilda,  and him starred as gay cowboys that had to hide there affection for each other from other people. Two to three times a year, they would say that they were going on a fishing trip, but really they just wanted time away from other people so they could be together, alone. When people had first heard about Brokeback Mountain and how Heath and Jake were starring as the gay cowboys, people had thought that they were going to take it all out of proportion and they weren’t going to do the role like it was written. Saying that they weren’t going to kiss, or do anything that regular gay people do. But if you watch the movie, you will know that the people, who criticized their work, were wrong. They were very devoted and committed to their parts.
            The most recent movies, before his death, that he starred in were I’m Not There, where six other actors portrayed the legendary singer, Bob Dylan, including a woman, Cate Blanchett. He also was starring in a new Batman movie as the Joker, called The Dark Knight. Another actor that has played the joker in a Batman movie is Jack Nicholson, and when he had found out about Heath’s death he had said in a short interview on the streets that he had warned Heath about playing the joker. Many people think that that role in that movie had caused his death.  
            Not quite sure what happened to Heath, people are saying that it was a suicide. But Michelle Williams, the actor’s ex-girlfriend/fiancé/baby’s mother, and other family members had said that Heath would have never committed suicide. They said that Heath loved life too much, and that he was actually afraid of dying.
So my theory about the talented, endowed actor’s death is that his break-up with his beautiful girlfriend, and the stress that he had in life from his career caused him to flowingly drink and take drugs. There were no illegal drugs found in the autopsy of his body, but there were six different types of prescriptive drugs found.  The sleepless Heath was so stressed out about everything going on in his life; he disobeyed another actor, Jack Nicholson. Jack had told Heath not to take sleeping pills because they would ‘mess him up’. But those sleeping pills that he had taken were one of the drugs found in his body. Therefore, he overdosed and died because he was so sleepy that he didn’t know how much sleeping pills he was taking at the time.
The person who took Heath’s death the hardest was not his daughter, his ex, or his family. It was Heath’s best friend and co-star…Jake Gyllenhaal. When finishing up Jake’s new movie, after he had heard about Heath’s death, on goers were speaking to Jake as he sat in the director’s chair. They had said and I quote, “Jake was there with us, but he wasn’t with us.” They didn’t believe he was hearing anything that they had to say to him, he was blanking off and was in deep thought.
Heath had a lot more going for him in his acting career. He was very determined about doing not just acting, but directing movies. A few months before his death he had started directing a movie, that would never be finished…The empty roles that he had left would never be complete…The life of the young actor would never be seen…The smiling, fun, charming person that everyone loved, no one would see again. Including his young daughter…who Heath loved endingly. I was going to stop there, but I have a little more to say…
            So the life of Heath will remain, not in him, but his past roles, and in his daughter, who Michelle Williams had said was the spitting image of her father. I could go on and on about what I am thinking right now about this tragic loss, but I won’t because I will probably cry uncontrollably like I did when I had heard this shocking news. So keep it in your hearts that Heath Ledger was one of the brightest, appealing actors of this lifetime, and I am not just saying that because he is gone, but it’s true and it has always been true. Sometimes I think that this can’t be true, that he isn’t gone, but then I realize that it is, and there really isn’t anything I can do. I just wish I could have stopped it, even though I never really knew him.


The End

Sunday, December 9, 2012

The Lord of the Rings.

I went to The Lord of the Rings marathon yesterday. It started at 11:00 am and lasted until 11:30 pm. 12.5 hours of nonstop fan girling! Loved every single bit of it plus some because the theatre showed the extended editions of all three movies and it was just amazing because it was like seeing the movies like new at some parts. Some questions were answered too like what happened to Sauramon at the end of the second movie.

The Hobbit premiere is coming this Thursday and boy did this year go by too fast. They released the first trailer for The Hobbit last December and I was practically crying because it was too far away, but now it's already here! So happy! Gosh, I'm such a nerd. I thought I could get the book done in time, but I'm on page 85 out of 306. But oh well. I will probably watch it again after I've completed the book to catch some similarities and differences between the book and movie!

The only thing that sucks is that the premiere is right after my Anthropology exam so we'll be rushing to Sioux Falls after my exam. Then I probably won't get back until 4 or later in the morning when I have a Film Appreciation exam at 7:30. But eh....it's going to be rushed and whatnot, but after that film exam is Christmas break and then I'm getting the flip out of here and going home!

Friday, December 7, 2012

Shine On Blue.


This is a poem that I wrote in 2008 that is dedicated to a Pink Floyd song. 


Deep blue sky,
you shine with blue;
triggering wonders.
We can not recognize,
Some things you do.

What will come of you,
When everything is gone?
I want you to shine on.
Shine on blue…
With your lovely phenomenon.

Gravity will fail,
And Earth will say,
Good-bye one last time.
You shall shine on blue,
And somehow, you will stay.

We question life,
When we should embrace,
The world is ending
But we look up at you,
And overlook the disgrace.

So shine on blue,
With what is left.
Forget the terror.
Forget the dread.
Shine on deep, blue sky.

Say good-bye deep, blue sky.


Life is Slipping From Me.


This is a song that I wrote in 2008 that I was really proud of at the time. My all time favorite band is KoRn so the lyrics were kind of based off of what Jonathan Davis would write. Maybe.



Life is bleeding in my hand
as I gasp for breath.
What will happen if I let it go?
Death…

I walk down the halls
of my head
Never ending confusion
What comes next?

I listen to the people
Who tell me what’s best
They all tell lies
Which ones are friends?

I run away from those,
Those who tell me what to do
I can’t get enough of this drug
It’s all I need to use
Try to tell me yes
Try to tell me no
Ev-er-y word
Is easily abused

Time slips through my fingers
Like satin in the bed
All these moments we had
They are all surely dead

I try to stop the aging
But it will never be again
The past will never be the future
You will never be just a friend

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Ice Cream.


I scream for ice cream! Ice cream is the best invention next to indoor plumbing. If I were stranded on a deserted island and could choose only one food to eat for the rest of my staying, I would choose ice cream (only if it was kept cool in a freezer, of course, because melted ice cream is just not the same).

I also love spaghetti! But it has to have angel hair noodles instead of the thick regular spaghetti noodles. Those are no good.

Foods that I hate include raw onions (I can somewhat handle the sauteed ones, like the ones in chili, spaghetti sauce, and even the kind in salsa). I also do not like the white pieces of lettuce. It's weird, I know, but it makes me gag and almost throw up when I get a super white piece. Just the bitter taste. I'm weird, I know.

Which brings me to my next topic...taste. I have a great sense of smell and taste. That would make sense since taste and smell are connected. I can smell better than most people, quicker than most people. On the other hand, I have horrible sight. I used to be able to squint without glasses and see the board in class during high school, but I think glasses and contacts have made my eyesight even worse because I am blind as a bat without glasses on or contacts in anymore. Even squinting does not help anymore. Sense of touch and hearing is normal though.

So there are some facts and favorites about me. 

Sick.

I am sick of thinking that I am the one who is doing something wrong. I am not doing anything. It is all her. She can't  handle the little things, how is she going to handle marriage? Honestly. I cannot wait until she moves out and her negativity is away from me. I am a happy person and I am happy with the person I am. She has asked me to change the little things, and I did. I asked her to change and she didn't. So I'm not going to pretend to be friends with her anymore. I can't be fake anymore.

Every little thing I say to her has a bitchy, prissy response on her end. The only reason why I don't like her anymore is because she thinks that I'm such a  bad person. Well, no, SHE is the bad person. She can post things on Tumblr about how I disturb her sleep and she can complain to her family members and/or boyfriend (fiance, whatever) about how my hair gets all over the floor and it reminds her of her dad. Right? Well at least she had a dad while growing up. I did not. I would love to have had my dad's long hair (if he did have long hair) all over the place. It's not a good memory or a bad memory, but at least it is a MEMORY. She thinks her life is so freaking horrible and that her fiance and dog are the only good things in her life, but it seems like she has more than she's saying. I'm not saying that my life was so horrible, but it was pretty dang hard and I'm the positive person I am today because of those hardships. Nothing is going to bring me down, especially not some stuck up, immature girl. There. I lowered myself down to her level and posted something on the internet instead of talking things out like a normal human being. Happy?

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Coffee

I was so used to the idea that coffee or caffeine never worked on me. I'm starting to rethink this.

I had a white mocha coffee type thing this morning and now my brain is all over the place and I'm actually not dozing off in American History right now. If anything my mind is straying away from American History which is also bad, but nevertheless. It works.

I feel like I am on some drug, perhaps speed, if this is what speed feels like because I'm doing everything really fast. Even as I type this blog, I'm typing it up in a fast manner. I have the idea that I'm not even going to check for grammatical errors because I want to look back at this blog to see how I was when caffeine affected me.

So here I am...writing really fast, bored out of my mind in this American History class because the history of America is the least interesting to me. My professor is really exciting at times and I can tell he appreciates what he does, and I envy his enthusiasm for this certain type of history.

I wish I was like him. Haha.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Thanksgiving Break.

I am coming to the conclusion that though Thanksgiving Break means that we can get away for classes for a few days to visit our families, it is simply just that. I have tons of homework to do over this "break" which is a real drag. Christmas VACATION is where it is at. Students will have no homework to worry about because they are not in any classes at that time. Looking forward to it, I just don't know what I will do with myself. Maybe I will read, play video games, do some music covers, hang with my family (especially my little nephew, Anthony)! I miss him so much!

But back to Thanksgiving break. My break won't officially start until 9 pm because that's when I get off of work tonight. Then after that I will drive to Wagner where my boyfriend lives and stay at his house for the majority of the break. We will celebrate turkey in the evening on Thursday and probably will not go to sleep because we are to leave for Sioux Falls at probably 2 in the morning for Black Friday. Then after Black Friday is all done and over with, probably by noon, we will head to Norfolk to meet up with my dad, step-mom, and little sister to celebrate yet another turkey evening. But this is all if plans do not fail. Hopefully not.

I will update in a later blog.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Hobbies.

As of right now (meaning within the last months), I've been trying to do the same hobbies I once did while still being in college. It is quite hard. I have hardly made any music covers for YouTube, I have not played any video games despite buying one, I have not finished reading a book for fun though I have been reading The Girl Who Played with Fire and The Hobbit for some time now, and I have hardly watched any movies/shows that I enjoy normally watching on Netflix. College in that sense, is dragging me down.

All I do is study/read/write for college or go to work and people have warned me that this was going to happen. I did not listen.

I am getting to the point where all I want to do is sleep and slack. But I cannot and will not.

Despite college being a drag on the definition of fun that I once knew, I have no intentions of dropping out and I will be the first to graduate of the Stillion family (as far as I know) whether I can stand it or not.

Monday, October 29, 2012

Games

As of right now, when I should be doing this RBAA or reading assignments for other classes that I am now behind on, I am playing a random, live game on my PS3. It is super exciting because the internet here is really fast and this game was so slow on my internet at home. I should totally be doing homework, but I think I deserve a break. All I do is homework. I think this day is telling me to relax and take it easy. That is why I am sick too, I'm sure of it.

It is a Monday in October, a few days before Halloween, my favorite holiday...and I feel like such a slacker. But I don't care. I know that I will struggle when the time comes for these due dates, but right now I just don't care. I'll work on everything on Thursday and Friday. But maybe I should work on some English since that is due Wednesday, on Halloween day.

I am so lost with this RBAA. Everything that I wanted to say and explain to whoever read it, can't really be said in the way that I want to say it, and I am struggling HARD. I need to find some sources and do some research, but I just can't find the motivation. I have work tomorrow. Sometimes I wish I just never had a job.  Sometimes I wish that I would have taken a year off before I went to college, but we all know how that story ends for other people....

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Is it just...?

Is it just me or:

Does sleeping for too long in the night make it harder to stay awake during the day? The less sleep the easier it is to stay awake...

Are the winter winds worse than the hot weather?

When I know I left the house door unlocked, am I the only person who screams throughout their house just to make the possible freaks seem more scared than they had planned on making me?

Am I the only person who doesn't use text lingo in text messages?

Am I the only person who still buys CDs?

Am I the only person who doesn't have their ears pierced?

Am I the only girl who doesn't know close to anything about fashion, hair, or makeup?

Does anyone else not drink around here?

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Homework.

This is a rant about reading.

Don't get me wrong, I love reading....just not readings for class that we will end up talking about in lecture anyway. But I feel like I need to read the assignments or I will miss out on SOMETHING. I just hate how some professors assign short chapters along a 2 week period, but when it comes to the long chapter they only give us 2 class periods before we have to have that chapter done. This is how I'm feeling for Anthropology and Film Appreciation. It's funny, actually. At the beginning of the semester I thought American History was going to be the class that I was going to have a hard time keeping up with reading the chapters, but noooooo. The history book is written in away where it's easy for me to read it, plus it interests me. It's probably because the book is novelistic-looking and the other two books are in text book form and are just straight up hard to read. So frustrating!

I wish I could just read for fun again. I know I would have time if I stayed up an extra hour before I go to sleep, but by then I have given up and just want to sleep my life away. Then I  have to wake up and start all over again. I haven't had any time for books, movies, or video games. The only thing that I really have time for (and even then, that's pushing it) is catching up on some of my favorite television shows using Hulu and Netflix.

I just don't want college and work to be my life throughout this "free and independent" part of life. That's all.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

This is going to be a rant about how I am impatient. I hate being impatient, but that is what I am.

First off, I am impatient about this first American History exam being graded. I want to know what I received as a grade. I have a feeling I did pretty good, but we will just have to see. I am also impatient about Math 095. At the beginning of the course, I had the feeling that I was going to be one of those students who were going to be ahead of it all and done with the course before the semester was up. That is not the case because I did not understand how time consuming all of my other classes were going to be as well as balancing a job and trying to see my family on the weekends. I just want to be ahead in all of my classes so I never have to have homework. I wish that I was not impatient as well as I wish that I was not so lazy at times.

Secondly, I am impatient about my job. I feel like I need to transfer to the Hy-Vee in Vermillion because the drive from Vermillion to Yankton to my job in Chinese there, is a money-hog. But if I do transfer, I do not want to work in the Chinese department, but produce. Produce seems like the easiest, most relaxing job that I could get at Hy-Vee because it hardly deals with people and people are what stress me out the most. Plus if I had a job in Vermillion, I could just walk or ride a bike to work (assuming I will have a bike by then). But the reason why I am impatient about this all is because I do not want to leave the Chinese people in Yankton because they really need workers and I kind of made a friend/coworker. I would feel bad if I left them to chaos again. I am not saying that before I came there it was chaos, but they will have one less worker and I am one of the only evening people who can work most of the time.

Okay, lastly, I am very impatient on finally being happy. My boyfriend is supposed to be moving to Vermillion as well as getting a job here, but first he needs to save up enough money so he can get an apartment (that allows cats because he's bringing my cat, Zeus), quit his old job, and find another good-paying job. Throughout the four years that we have been dating, we have never lived in the same town together. It has always been long distance. There was a time at the beginning of our relationship when we almost lived in the same town (like 7 minutes away) but that was a long time ago and we did not take advantage of that time when we had it. But now we are so close to finally being able to see each other every day and not having to worry about the money issue.

And that is why I hate being impatient....






Monday, September 3, 2012

Breaking Bad

This show is unbelievable. This show cannot disappoint me. Everyone who appreciates television shows or movies needs to watch this show, but if you do not appreciate the arts and just watch "stuff" please stay away from this show because it does not need you; it needs fans who understand the creator of this series.

I need a television in my dorm room already. I am sick of having to go down to the lounge to watch my AMC shows. The couches smell like dirty, stinky feet and people are loud. This post is basically just a rant about how I hate disrespectful people. Maybe I should stop. Maybe I'm breaking bad....

Anyway, tonight's episode was the split season finale of the last season. The other eight episodes will be on next summer, an entire year from now. It is really stupid, but understandable. It is an amazing show that needs time to evolve before it airs. I am going to cry when the show ends.

I also watch Hell on Wheels and that show satisfies my "history lover" side of me. It is all historically eye-opening and I love the scenes that go on in that show; the realism.

That's all I have for this blog.

Gah-day.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Another Blog Place

Well, I now have another place to blog. Yay me. It's mostly just for English 101 though. Let's see how this goes...